you could tell that he is lying even though he tries to provide you with all the proof in the world? You can read him like a book, and you can tell something is not right even through a text. Every gesture and reaction of him reflects his state of mind; as if you have a handbook that you know by heart for this person.
I woke up at 8 today, spent 30mins staring at the ceiling. Last night before I went to bed, I was hoping that today would be a new day, that things would get better in the morning and I would be able to cope with the emptiness.
But they didn’t.
I am still so sure of what has been lingering on my mind. I believe in myself. I do not start an argument unless I know I am right. It broke my heart that you blew all the chances that I gave you. Yes, you were right. It wasn’t a big deal. It really didn’t matter. By all means, a relationship should not be based on what you see on a social networking website. I wasn’t mad about that; I was upset to see how different you became when I tried to talk to you about the issue. Instead of explaining it to me, you made me feel stupid. You twisted everything around, and made me sound like I was the rowdiest, the most insecure and self-conscious person ever. Your attitude scared me, the instant transformation made me wonder what would happen down the road. You protected your pride, and crushed mine into pieces.
Recall how broken I was after my former relationship, I told myself I wanted to be with someone completely different. I told myself to forget about the external qualities, to neglect my ‘type’ for someone that I could rely on, that would truly appreciate my faithfulness, someone that wouldn’t take things for granted. I came across you; I thought you had what I was looking for. So I made it easy for you, at the same time I wanted to give myself a chance to slowly re-build confidence in this crazy game.
I guess we both decided to see past each other’s flaws, and came to a decision that we wanted to start something new with each other. No matter how bad things got or how things weren’t working out in my favour, I tried. I slowly got used to constant disappointments and your laziness. I somehow always managed to make up new excuses for you, as well as new ways to understand you. Surprisingly, I also found a couple good traits of you along this journey, which was also part of the reason that kept me going. The more I did, the higher my tolerance became. Because I wholeheartedly believed that, you had always been real and sincere with me. At the end of the day, I would do the same. If not, even more.
Yes, nothing really happened. But it was really pathetic that you didn’t see what I saw. I don’t believe caring about my relationship should be called being insecure. Everything is so fragile nowadays, being proactive does not make me a crazy individual. It’s going to be too late if you wait till things happen. I wasn’t trying to tear things apart to analyse and judge you. All I needed was a reason, I was just curious. But you wouldn’t even see eye to eye with me. This is hurtful.
I thought I would have been able to prove everyone wrong; turned out I should have listened. How sad.
OKAY CRYSTAL, PICK YOURSELF UP AND GET INTO EXAM MODE! 4.0 I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE!
“Stop putting other people first, give yourself some time.”
p.s. I put my relationship status up for a reason, I wanted to eliminate your competition and avoid the troublesome for myself as well. How silly? It was for you too.
